Grief-work

She's been home in heaven 3 weeks today, and I still can't fully grasp or comprehend Mom's death. Grief is a completely new experience for me, and it is TOTALLY consuming. Monday, I came to unexpectedly realize that she's not here anymore as my daily & faithful intercessor- the one who I KNEW prayed everyday for me....what a HUGE loss this is to me!

I recall thinking during her last days at hospice, "the prayer warrior is now being prayed for"- oh, how Mom prayed for others!......God, will I EVER be able to pray like her, given how much I'm hurting right now?! Today, I don't think so, but perhaps one "tomorrow" a long, long way off I will believe differently.

"The death of a loved one is a mortal wound, difficult to grasp and impossible to understand. It is UNASKED for, UNPLANNED for, and UNWANTED....Because of the depth of the wound, even one's own self becomes unfamiliar. Time assumes a different meaning, and nothing that was once important matters any longer....Grief knows no time limits....No two wounds are identical, so the healing rates will differ. Each person's emotional bandage is unique."
From When Will I Stop Hurting" by June Cerza Kolf

Words of Encouragement in a Season of Grief

So many precious friends have been sending me words of encouragement during this season of the loss of my Mom- some in the form of emails and some in the form of sympathy cards...today I received a card from Harry & Debbie Hooks and another from Carolyn Turner...both of these cards ministered to my sad heart.....additionally my sweet long-distance friend, Kim Tucker shared some words of counsel recently that have really helped me.

For anyone else out their grieving over the loss of someone very important to you, I pray these words soothe your aching soul like a salve on a wound....

"God's Gift of Time"

"We all need a time to grieve-
a quiet time for reflection
to sift through precious memories
and come to grips
with what has happened.
We all need a time to let the tears flow,
not for the ones we lost,
who are at peace in heaven, (hallelujah!)
but for ourselves as we realize
that things will be different now.
We all need a time to just 'be,'
when we can open ourselves to God
and let the reassurance
of His everlasting love
start to heal our broken hearts."

"Imagine
stepping onto a shore and finding it heaven
Imagine
taking hold of a hand and finding it God's hand
Imagine
breathing new air and finding it celestial air
Imagine
feeling invigorated and finding it immortality
Imagine
passing from storm & tempest to an unknown calm
Imagine
waking and finding it home -"

Wow! One card ministered to me about ME. And the other ministered to me about MOM. Both are precious! Thank you Harry & Debbie and Carolyn!

Kim shared the following words about her observations when her sweet husband lost his Dad. She said,

"Grief came in waves at unexpected moments for him as well as the moments you would expect it to...Grief will have its way with you one way or another...I can only speak from that experience, but it seems best to just not expect too much of yourself or your dad and just let it have its way. No apologies to anyone!! "

Thank you Kim for giving me permission to continue grieving. You have ALWAYS been a blessing to me, and I'll never forget the wonderful memories we made together at HGBC many years ago!

Not surprisingly, God's word speaks so accurately about the use of words....

"...how delightful is a timely word." Proverbs 15:23b

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb,

sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

Those verses remind me of Mom becasuse she was truly a Proverbs 31 woman who, "opened her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness was on her tongue." Countless friends have shared with me and others in my family how much Mom encouraged them with her words and especially through her teaching.

Now that she's gone "home to heaven", how precious of my God to send others my way in her stead to share words of encouragement. Oh Lord, help me to be this kind of woman, EVEN AS I GRIEVE!

An Unexpected Moment with Daddy

My Neal suggested a few weeks ago that I select a special song on my cell phone for my Daddy so I would easily know when he was calling. After thinking on it and searching for awhile, I chose "In the Mood"....such a great "big band" song and so representative of him and the WWII generation that he's a part of.

Tonight I asked Daddy if I had shared "his cell phone ring" with him and he said no. So I played it for him. When I realized he couldn't hear it from across the room, I walked over to him to get closer. As I did, his eyes lit up as he recognized the familiar tune. And the next thing I knew, he and I were up and dancing a jig together in the family room! What a moment! What a gift in the midst of such astounding & current grief!

I just had to gloat to Sandra (my older sister who's also here in Atlanta with me) and yelled, "Sandra! Daddy and I are dancing and you're not!".....she and I have been having fun pretending we have sibling rivalry....something we never really experienced since she's 13 years older and was always like a "mama" to me....but later in life once I was married, we simply became the best of friends. She came running and had a look of pretend jealousy on her face. Then Daddy said, "I bet Stella is turning over in her grave!" referring to the fact that he was never much of a dancer.

I wouldn't take a million dollars for that surprise moment with him because after walking this past year with Mom, I now KNOW first-hand how important it is to make the most of the time we have with those we love!

Praise the Lord lyrics by Haley Hopper Jock

God has entrusted my baby girl, Haley, with an amazing song-writing ability, and through Mom's departure to heaven was given yet another opportunity to magnify His great name & honor her Memama's memory....I wanted to share the lyrics with everyone. For those who attended the funeral, I know you were blessed to hear Haley sing & play the piano during the family remembrances time. I would ask that you pray that God would take this song and if it His will, provided an open door to be used in a greater way to inspire and woo others to Jesus.

Praise the Lord

Oh Lord, I praise You
because You made her so wonderfully
Oh Lord, You knew her unborn frame
You knew everyday ordained

We walk, we struggle,
we lift our eyes to the hills,
and we say Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord
Oh my soul,
Praise the Lord!

Oh Lord, You satisfy the years
wipe away all the tears
Oh Lord, how blessed was she
heart-set on the road towards Thee

She walked, she struggled,
she'd lift her eyes to the hills,
and she'd say Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord,
Oh my soul,
Praise the Lord!

The generation to come will know
even the children yet to be born
that You are God- You are King
because she never failed to sing...

Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord,
Oh my soul, Praise the Lord!

She praised the Lord,
She Praised the Lord,
she's finally home,
Praise the Lord!

How to get close to Stella/Memama

Please go to Blair's (my middle child) blog to read what she wrote for her Memama. Neal read it at the graveside, and it was astounding how well what the Lord gave her fit with what Jim Wood shared. She has a very unique perspective since she lives on the other side of the world as a "worker" with her husband sharing the gospel.

Please see: http://web.me.com/jamesandblair/Site/Blog/Blog.html

For those who might be interested in hearing from Blair and James on a monthly basis to hear about what God is doing in their lives and how He is using them in the Arab world, please feel free to email them at jamesandblair@pobox.com to receive their newsletter.

More Stella Moments

I tried to post a blog last night but my internet connection went down in the middle of writing...so here goes another try.

Mom's funeral yesterday was NO funeral...it was a celebration of her life and a worship service to Jesus. Much glory was given to our King, and it was just as I believe Mom would have desired. It IS possible to grieve with JOY! And doing so doesn't take a thing a way from how much we love Mom and miss her. I continue to have "Memoments" (a word my son Trent has coined for Memama or Memom to some of her older grandkids....precious!), moments when I reflect on the many wonderful memories that have been shared with me over the last few days....here is one of them:

My daughter, Haley, wrote her Memama a song in her memory the day after Mom left for heaven. She sang and played it at the service yesterday. It was such a tribute to what Mom was known for- PRAISING THE LORD in all circumstances . Thus, Haley entitled the song, "Praise the Lord" (I'll share the lyrics from her song in a separate blog). I was sharing about Haley writing the song with Boo (a good friend of Mom's) on Friday and she shared this story that just "fits" so well.

Many years ago, Boo gave Mom a white pillow that has stayed on the sofa in their den. "Praise the Lord" is written across the front of it. On the few Sundays this past year that Mom was able to muster enough strength to go to church, she would attend service only and take the pillow along to put behind her back. One particular Sunday Mom came to church without Boo knowing it in advance. But because Boo sings in the choir, she was able to spot her fairly quickly. When their eyes caught one another, she said Mom slowly lifted her arms above her head and in her hands was that wonderful pillow with PRAISE THE LORD being lifted high for all to see! I couldn't help but think of this story the next day as I read Streams in the Desert (one of Mom's all time favorite devotionals that I also read regularly). The reading for the day spoke of Jehovah-Nissi, the Lord is our BANNER. What a testimony to this great name of God as Mom lifted high her banner: Praise the Lord!

What else can I say but Praise the Lord?!

More Stella Moments

The service for Mom was truly a celebration of a life well-lived investing in people, all for God's glory. Our focus was on the Lord, and I know this is what Mom wanted. The gospel was clearly presented, and every person who attended is now accountable for what they heard...and that includes me!


I along with my sister and brother have BIG shoes to fill if we want to do Mom's legacy justice. This is where my thoughts lie tonight as I sit tonight pondering. So many precious people came to pay their respects and share some of their personal experiences with Mom. Here are a few:


* A woman I believe named Cathy (I can't recall her last name) came up to me at the funeral home and said how much Mom had meant to her. Back when this woman was in her 20's, Mom would meet her for breakfast at McDonalds. Cathy was struggling with some heavy issues, and she said Mom helped her through a very difficult time in her life to help get her back on the right track with the Lord. From what I could tell from my conversation with Cathy, it appeared that she is a woman who loves Jesus and is living for Him. Praise the Lord!


* A woman named Lisa shared with me at the funeral home that she had been greatly impacted by Mom. I didn't recognize her though she had gone to the same highschool I did in Sandy Springs (a suburb of Atlanta). I wondered if she had been in one of the many Sunday school classes Mom had taught or perhaps sung in the choir and got to know her there. No, that was not the case. She went on to explain that Mom's influence was indirect but powerful nonetheless. You see, this woman Lisa is being mentored by another woman. That woman's name is Boo Elliott. And Boo Elliott was mentored by my Mom. My Neal was standing beside me as she shared this with me. He leaned in close to her and said, "And who are you going to mentor?" Her reply..."Right now, that would be my 14 year old daughter." As Neal put it so well, "Isn't that the way it's supposed to work?!" I agree and say Praise the Lord!


* A man named Rob shared with me how much he had gleaned from Mom. He also shared that there was such a "softness" about her that simply captured him. This man had been through a divorce, and Mom had loved him in them midst of and through that hard time in his life. Praise the Lord!


* Another man named Monty was taught by Mom and her co-teacher Ferrell Ryan. They taught "young marrieds". Monty is now teaching a Sunday school class and told me today that everyone in his class knows who Stella is, though none of them knew her personally because he's now serving in another church and quotes her frequently as he teaches. That really excites me because I know that what my Mom taught and quoted was the WORD OF GOD. Therefore, Monty's students are hearing TRUTHS from God's Word which is the only thing that's worth quoting! Praise the Lord!

* The same Ferrell Ryan mentioned above shared with me that Mom was the first person to come visit he and his wife when they moved to Atlanta many decades ago. The really interesting part of his story is that the Ryans were living in an apartment while their home was being built, and Mom indeed come to those apartments. But she had come to visit another family but knocked on the wrong apartment door....or did she? I say no and praise the Lord!

More Stella moments in upcoming blogs.........praise the Lord for His goodness to me and my family as He continues to minister to us in the midst of our grief!

Stella Moments Continued

Moment #2-

A sacred Stella Moment:

Today (Wednesday, January 7th) my Mama went to be with the Lord surrounded by her husband, 3 children and their spouses. We had all wanted to be there, and God orchestrated that it be so. We are so grateful. I pray I never forget the details of this glorious, bittersweet day.

My precious Daddy has struggled from the beginning of his beloved's bone cancer diagnosis last February. He told me this past Sunday when Mama was still in the hospital that he would hold out until the end asking the Lord for His healing of her battered & diseased body. He was true to his word.

Sometime around 3 pm today, subtle changes began to occur in Mom, and my Daddy picked up on them instantly. His spirit was so in tune to her's and I think he knew what was about to happen in the next hour. He began pouring his heart out to the Lord, continuing to plead with God for her life. When her breaths had more and more seconds between them, he would take that giant hand of his and gently lay it on her chest and say, "Breathe Stella, please breathe." And she would. I am convinced she did just that because he was asking her to....it took everything in her to do so. How torn she must have been as her sweetheart pleaded with her to stay here, but her beloved Jesus was telling her it was time to come home! It makes me think of the apostle Paul's description of himself being "hard-pressed" about whether to go to heaven or stay for the benefit of those who needed to be ministered to by him...

The hospice chaplain, Elizabeth, came in to the room and discerned in Dad the intense struggle he was having with letting Mama go. She acknowledged that understanding to him, and asked if it would be ok for her to pray for Stella to be able to run to Jesus if this was "her time". He pondered over her question and then slowly but definitely said yes......though I know how much he wanted to say no.

I believe God used Elizabeth's prayer to lead him to the next step. After she exited quietly from the room to give us family time, Daddy began praying over her. And as he did, I felt compelled to open my eyes and fully embrace what was occuring and about to occur.....as my precious Daddy labored in prayer for his Stella, she opened her eyes and looked straight into her beloved's face......it was one of the most sacred moments I've ever experienced! Glory!

It was such a gift to see her look into his eyes on this side of heaven one last time. I couldn't help but think about the fact that Mom didn't have a fancy wedding or even get to be escorted down a church aisle when she married Daddy 65 years ago. They simply went to the preacher's house and got married. BUT today, her beloved husband surely escorted her down the path and to the very gates of heaven as he prayed her there! Glory again!

Daddy said "amen" and a few short breaths later, she left this world, "finished her course" (2 Timothy 4:7) and arrived in "the city, which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God" (Hebrews 11:10). Glory x 3!

Stella Moments

Tonight I'm sitting at Altus House...a hospice house where my sweet Mama is spending her last days on this side of heaven. As a family, we've had so many wonderful moments together with her...moments I don't think I'll ever forget....nor would I want to, even as difficult as all this is to go through.

Moment #1:

Stella Bear

My sweet Blair cannot be here in person to tell her "Memama" goodbye because she along with her hubbie James live very far away in the Middle East as workers for the Lord...as she said, "this is the first person that I'm losing that I've had a close relationship with and I don't know how to deal with it." As Blair's Mama, my heart is heavy and want to do all I can to come alongside her to help her in the grieving process. So He has faithfully provided me a tangible way to do that...

On the way back to Charlotte a few days ago (when we had been in Atlanta seeing family and then all of the events regarding Mama started), we stopped at a Cracker Barrel. While there, I saw some precious little brown teddy bears that had been put out for Valentines Day. I'm a real sucker for cute stuffed animals, but didn't really have a reason to purchase one. So I resisted the urge to get one.

My best friend Tori and I were heading back to Atlanta this past Sunday since my Neal was unable to leave quite yet in order to be here with me. I was sharing with her about my Blair and how my heart longed to do something to help her as she grieved. Somewhere about Greenville, the idea hit me and I know it was from the Lord........stop at Cracker Barrel and get her one of those bears! As I sat in the car for the next few miles, the idea grew.

This would be no ordinary bear....I was to name her "Stella Bear" and once in Atlanta, take her to be with Memama so that when the time came to give her to Blair I could tell her that she had been with her Memama in her last days. Maybe it's just a girl thing or silly to some, but I am hoping that Stella Bear will bring my Blair a small bit of encouragement that her Mama was thinking of her constantly as I walked with my Mama, her Memama, through her last days.

And, that's not all. MY grandchildren will KNOW of their godly legacy in their great-grandmother, Memama, because Stella Bear will also be at my house waiting to tell them all the wonderful stories of how Memama loved and served her Jesus all the days of her life.