Boasting in my weakness & Delighting in His Word- part 1

A week ago today, I shared with the women of Lakeview Baptist what God had laid on my heart over the course of several months. Their theme for the banquet, NOT chosen by me, was "New Beginnings"....this theme has been my life experience for the most part over the last year and a half and I shared w/ them close to a dozen things in which God has either orchestrated or allowed into my life forcing me to say "goodbye" and presenting me with the opportunity to have a new beginning. By the way, doing the goodbyes of life is something I really stink at!! I'm one of those who is always looking back to the past and remembering it with rose-colored glasses.

God has shown me through this process of allowing so many changes into my life how very weak I am. Years ago, when I was teaching Precept classes at my local church and sitting under the teaching (via video) of Kay Arthur, she would share an example that has stuck with me to this day, and it "fits" here...when we're jostled by challenging lifes circumstances, whatever our glass is FULL OF, will spill out the top.

Am I full of bitterness? Then, that's what comes spilling out. Am I full of fear? Then, that's what will spill out. What about being full of self?...just another name for pride. Or prejudice? The list is endless. Conversely, if I am full of joy, then that's what spills out....or peace or contentment or....you get the idea. Before you dismiss the metaphor, realize that this concept is definitely supported in scripture. So if you esteem God's word, then you need to listen:
~In Proverbs 23:7 , I'm told that, "For as a man thinks within himself, so he is."
~In Proverbs 4:23, I read, "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it FLOW the springs of life.".
~Jesus spoke of this many times in scripture. One example is found in Matthew 12:34b- "For the mouth speaks out of that which FILLS the heart."

In other words, what my mind dwells on I will eventually live out.

Ok, so back to being weak. As I've been "jostled" by life (that my God is sovereign over!...He in in control of it all!), weakness is what has spilled out the top. And I'm here to tell you, coming face to face with your weaknesses is no fun. My natural instinct is to justify, give reasons, etc, etc on why I'm this or that way....or I try to compensate by focusing on my strengths. Neither is the way Jesus desires me to respond to this "unveiling". When I respond in my flesh, I "quench" the Spirit working in my heart. I put the fire out, and then I wonder why I have no power in my spiritual life....funny how I conveniently never make the connection!

About 2 months ago, in the midst of beginning preparations for speaking at Lakeview, God provided me with an opportunity to see what I believe is my greatest weakness and what I call "the ugly" in my life. What was the "opportunity"? Neal and I had a HUGE fight....can't even recall what it was about now, but it was a biggie. I know because God used it to show me "the ugly" which is my resistance to Neal's authority...something I have always struggled against since day 1 of our marriage. For years, I would say things like, "I just have a strong personality" or other equally lame comments. But, this day was different I believe because God had been tendering my heart through the study of His word. The soil was tilled and ready for seed.

Here's what I wrote the morning after the fight:

"God's grace is sufficient. Neal & I had a huge fight last night, reminding both of us once again how carnal we can be and ultimately, how we can bring out the worst in each other when we permit that carnality to take over. This is and seems to be the biggest spiritual wekaness I have in this life. When I woke up this morning, my first thoughts turned to the scripture in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 which I had meditated on yesterday...coincidence? I think not. Paul stated that God gave him a 'thorn in the flesh'. I wrote in the margin of my Bible-' the who of P's thorn: satan's harrassing messenger; they why of P's thorn: to keep him from being conceited'. Several things come to mind as I ponder over this today-
1- Neal is at times a "thorn" in my flesh because he has the power to bring out the worst in me and expose my weakness(es)
2-Even though it is Neal who is at times used as a thorn, I know that satan/the defeated one is the one who is "behind" the harrassment
3-The "thorny" messenger caused Paul's weakness(es) to become evident to him. God said that His power is perfected in weakness. So Paul's response to this was, 'Therefore, I will BOAST all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.' Not only that, but he went on to say, 'For the sake of Christ the, I am CONTENT with weaknesses...For when I am weak, then I am strong.' "

That's alot of MEAT to chew on! So, I'll stop blogging for now...more on this subject in my next blog. Stay tuned....meanwhile, why not go to the Lord and ask Him, "What am I FULL of?" I promise you, He will show you. Go ahead. I dare you.

p.s. my Neal also has the ability to bring out the BEST in me....just so you know.